Synchronicity
Synchronous events add to my sense of wonder at life's mysteries. Lately, my life has been overflowing with synchronicity. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, synchronicity is the name given by the Swiss psychologist, C.G. Jung (1875-1961), to the phenomenon of events which coincide in time and appear meaningfully related but have no discoverable causal connection.
Twelve years ago I gave birth to my daughter and became a single mother. My child's biological father was, at the risk of sounding redundant, a narcissistic jerk: He turned his back on his responsibilities; I was faced with raising a child alone; worst of all, he abandoned his daughter. I won't go into the morality of his decision, however, I will say that I chose not to pursue him for child support in order to protect her from him. Out of spite, had he been forced to support his child, he would have insisted on visitation. I feared he would have been cruel to her as he was to me and his other children. Therefore, I didn't seek support and he never sought a relationship with her.
Over the past twelve years, friends and family have questioned my decision to let him walk away from his responsibilities. They didn't think he deserved to be let off the hook and wanted me to make him pay. But a battle between us would have cost my daughter the peaceful and loving home she's enjoyed - a price I wasn't willing to pay.
When my daughter was five, I met and married my husband. I explained to her that she has a biological father but that my husband is her step-dad. Over the past seven years, he has been her dad in every sense of the word.
Then suddenly our lives changed dramatically when my daughter's biological father died several months ago in a car accident. He was only 47. We told her about the accident and she is coping with the news.
As for me, pain, anger, dare I say, rage have flooded my consciousness. All the emotions I didn't have the luxury to feel twelve years ago when I was consumed with caring for a newborn child came rushing in on me. I almost drowned in pain. I was shocked at my reaction. Where were all these emotions coming from?
Here is where the synchronicities begin to unfold.
My husband is in the military. One of his hobbies is riding an ATV. Last summer, my father bought my daughter, his granddaughter, an ATV. Now my husband and daughter have a great time riding together. My husband has researched a particular brand of ATV and has decided that the the next one he buys will be that brand.
This month, my father, who lives in another state, went for a test ride on the brand of ATV my husband likes. The dealership where he took the test ride is within several miles of his home. When he arrived for his test ride, they looked at his name and asked if he knew my daughter and me. As it turns out, the owners of the dealership are the brother and sister-in-law of my daughter's biological father; in other words, my daughter's uncle and aunt.
To top it off, my daughter's half brother lives with them and works in the dealership. His father, my daughter's biological father, kicked him out of the house when he was 16 and he has lived with his aunt and uncle ever since (he's 24 now). He's in the military, like my husband, and will deploy to Iraq soon.
My daughter's biological father was described by his own brother as someone who hated women. They all detested him and said he was a terrible father to his children. They also said he lied to them all these years and told his family that he wasn't my daughter's father. Now that they know the truth, they're furious with him and sad that they've missed all these years of knowing her.
My decision twelve years ago to let him walk away has been validated as the right one. I protected her, those many years ago, and now she can reap the benefits of having a bigger, loving family. Through these terrible and painful events, my daughter has gained a family who is thrilled about her and look forward to developing a relationship with her. We have a connection with them through the military and riding ATV's. It will be interesting to watch and see more synchronicities unfold.
Twelve years ago I gave birth to my daughter and became a single mother. My child's biological father was, at the risk of sounding redundant, a narcissistic jerk: He turned his back on his responsibilities; I was faced with raising a child alone; worst of all, he abandoned his daughter. I won't go into the morality of his decision, however, I will say that I chose not to pursue him for child support in order to protect her from him. Out of spite, had he been forced to support his child, he would have insisted on visitation. I feared he would have been cruel to her as he was to me and his other children. Therefore, I didn't seek support and he never sought a relationship with her.
Over the past twelve years, friends and family have questioned my decision to let him walk away from his responsibilities. They didn't think he deserved to be let off the hook and wanted me to make him pay. But a battle between us would have cost my daughter the peaceful and loving home she's enjoyed - a price I wasn't willing to pay.
When my daughter was five, I met and married my husband. I explained to her that she has a biological father but that my husband is her step-dad. Over the past seven years, he has been her dad in every sense of the word.
Then suddenly our lives changed dramatically when my daughter's biological father died several months ago in a car accident. He was only 47. We told her about the accident and she is coping with the news.
As for me, pain, anger, dare I say, rage have flooded my consciousness. All the emotions I didn't have the luxury to feel twelve years ago when I was consumed with caring for a newborn child came rushing in on me. I almost drowned in pain. I was shocked at my reaction. Where were all these emotions coming from?
Here is where the synchronicities begin to unfold.
My husband is in the military. One of his hobbies is riding an ATV. Last summer, my father bought my daughter, his granddaughter, an ATV. Now my husband and daughter have a great time riding together. My husband has researched a particular brand of ATV and has decided that the the next one he buys will be that brand.
This month, my father, who lives in another state, went for a test ride on the brand of ATV my husband likes. The dealership where he took the test ride is within several miles of his home. When he arrived for his test ride, they looked at his name and asked if he knew my daughter and me. As it turns out, the owners of the dealership are the brother and sister-in-law of my daughter's biological father; in other words, my daughter's uncle and aunt.
To top it off, my daughter's half brother lives with them and works in the dealership. His father, my daughter's biological father, kicked him out of the house when he was 16 and he has lived with his aunt and uncle ever since (he's 24 now). He's in the military, like my husband, and will deploy to Iraq soon.
My daughter's biological father was described by his own brother as someone who hated women. They all detested him and said he was a terrible father to his children. They also said he lied to them all these years and told his family that he wasn't my daughter's father. Now that they know the truth, they're furious with him and sad that they've missed all these years of knowing her.
My decision twelve years ago to let him walk away has been validated as the right one. I protected her, those many years ago, and now she can reap the benefits of having a bigger, loving family. Through these terrible and painful events, my daughter has gained a family who is thrilled about her and look forward to developing a relationship with her. We have a connection with them through the military and riding ATV's. It will be interesting to watch and see more synchronicities unfold.
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